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April 1st, 2009

Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature

Posted by Zack Whittaker @ 5:55 am

Categories: Microsoft, University fun

Tags: Mouse, Microsoft Windows 7, Mice, Microsoft Windows, Keyboards, Hardware, Peripherals, Operating Systems, Software, April Fool 2009

Microsoft confirmed this morning a new feature installed in Windows 7 Enterprise editions, ensuring the protection and security of the operating system. Dubbed “ProtectOneself”, Windows monitors the activity of the system and prevents certain events from occurring if unsuitable behaviour is detected.

From the latest available build, 7068, you can see from the screenshot below, in true UAC style, how the system works:

I can see how students could benefit from this new feature, as many a time I’ve been to electronically submit an essay or fire off an email, whilst completely plastered. By using mouse movement recognition, similar to previous versions by evening out erroneous mouse moments, and a new keyboard algorithm to monitor slurred writing patterns, Windows can prevent you making mistakes by declaring you a “danger to yourself”.

A Microsoft spokesperson was already having trouble working around this new feature when they turned up to work drunk late yesterday afternoon. She hailed the new feature as “awesome”, just before she passed out.

April Fools…

Zack Whittaker, the youngest in the ZDNet network, is a British student at the University of Kent, Canterbury, where he studies BA (Hons) Criminology and Social Policy. His insight into the next-generation is unique and first-hand, sharing his knowledge of the here and now but more so what's next and how to get there.

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  • Talkback
  • Most Recent of 62 Talkback(s)
I made protect oneself for real!
Now you can try that anti-idiot feature here:
http://icarus.site90.com/?p=90
lol! I made it as a prank software... (Read the rest)
Posted by: yavinfour Posted on: 05/27/09 You are currently: a Guest | | Terms of Use
LOL  Badgered | 04/01/09
This just proves one thing.  Intellihence | 04/01/09
ROFL  Badgered | 04/01/09
HOW TRUE (NT)  goldenpirate@... | 04/02/09
Ya, because  AzuMao | 04/04/09
No need for this feature in Linux  Linux Geek | 04/01/09
Re:  endermc12 | 04/01/09
only idiots use windows  Ubuntunotvista | 04/01/09
Hmmm  GTWilson | 04/01/09
Wow.....  kwsjr82 | 04/01/09
Rr: No need for this feature in Linux  firemedic@... | 04/01/09
Re: Rude  GTWilson | 04/01/09
Name calling stop it ! Manners are important  gkrwc | 04/01/09
lol  vaughanm | 04/01/09
What computer geeks evolved into  topgunner | 04/01/09
This "feature" already exists..  AzuMao | 04/04/09
Thank you!  NStalnecker | 04/02/09
Maybe you should get a brain..  AzuMao | 04/04/09
yup  shadfurman | 04/03/09
so your saying...  shadfurman | 04/03/09
Hmm.. I see..  Wolfie2K3 | 04/03/09
This does prove something  Crash2100 | 04/01/09
lol  shadfurman | 04/03/09
Prove it.  AzuMao | 04/04/09
lmao!  bladeoz | 04/26/09
Check the date on your calendar  DiZastur | 04/01/09
Brilliant  Zathros | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  jrf2027@... | 04/01/09
LOL that is pretty funny.  Been_Done_Before | 04/01/09
More graphics please  johnfenjackson@... | 04/01/09
I want more details!  masonwheeler | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  tww356 | 04/01/09
DISAPPOINTED!!!  Ingwar | 04/01/09
Actually there is such a product...  LuisB | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  murphym@... | 04/01/09
Yes!!!! RudeDOS! Wow I feel old suddenly....  914four | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  inkwell | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  peter@... | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  Carlito_Chippy | 04/01/09
am i the only person who realizes this is a prank?  mavr1c | 04/01/09
Windows 7 includes new idiot feature  javababy | 04/01/09
Did you check the date of this ? (nt)  hkommedal | 04/01/09
Isn't that the truth  Crash2100 | 04/01/09
Bloatware  ne6d@... | 04/01/09
Re: Bloatware  GTWilson | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  dcjohnson@... | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  dixon757@... | 04/01/09
Anti-fool ?  giantiago | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  marcellus.moore@... | 04/01/09
No one wants to be a Maytag repairman.  john_gillespie@... | 04/01/09
LOL  boberuski | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  Paprika12 | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  DarienHawk67 | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  PCMD | 04/01/09
Office for Idiots?  jonrichco | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  creep144 | 04/01/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  revs87 | 04/02/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  shadfurman | 04/03/09
Zack - Your feature request has been noted and logged...  Wolfie2K3 | 04/03/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  Agent Kayl | 04/05/09
RE: Windows 7 includes anti-idiot feature  RedVeg | 04/06/09
I made protect oneself for real!  yavinfour | 05/27/09

What do you think?

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